


Take Me Down

by Nylocke



Category: Warcraft (2016)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, I'm a lionslayer, M/M, Unrequited Love, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-08 21:08:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7773457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nylocke/pseuds/Nylocke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Don’t you ever leave me, spell-chucker."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take Me Down

**Author's Note:**

> I am a horrible friend. The events in this story are based on something that happened to a dear friend of mine, and I thought, 'Hey, this would make an excellent Liontrust fic.' Fortunately, her story ended significantly better. You can thank the Liontrust Discord server for the way this one ended.
> 
> This hasn't been beta read, and it's very much a quick-burn write-out on my part, so I apologize for any errors. Thanks very much for reading!

Khadgar’s brow furrowed as he cast another glance at Lothar from across the table. He was still staring at Garona with intense, sharp eyes. She pretended not to notice, as did everyone else in the meeting. But everyone did notice. Especially Khadgar. 

When the meeting had concluded, Khadgar didn’t stay to chat with anyone as he usually did. He walked briskly out of the room, barely nodding a farewell to King Llane on his way out the door. He couldn’t help but think about Lothar, the way he stared at Garona, how he wanted Lothar to stare at _him_ like that. He was jealous, yes; a feeling he had never really experienced before. But, then again, the way he felt about Lothar was completely new as well. He had never found himself so entranced in another person, so swept away by someone’s personality, looks, or charm. Lothar was naturally charming, of course, and Khadgar couldn’t help but be intoxicated by the commander’s charisma.

He only wished that Lothar’s charm and charisma were directed at _him_ instead of Garona. 

It was selfish, he knew. Above anything, Khadgar wanted Lothar to be happy, and if Garona made him happy, then Khadgar could be happy, too. That would be logical; of course, Khadgar was realizing more and more every day that these feelings were entirely _illogical_. He felt like a horrible friend, wanting Lothar this way. Lothar was clearly not interested in men, and even if he was, he and Garona clearly had some kind of chemistry. Khadgar tried to be happy for them--he just couldn’t get rid of the nagging feeling of jealousy that hung in the back of his mind, and the twinge of guilt that always accompanied it. 

Khadgar bustled into his apartment, trying and failing to shake the thoughts from his head as he returned to his research.

********

Khadgar sat at his table staring at the cup of tea that he had prepared. He hadn’t drank any of it, and steam no longer drifted up from the mug. It was late at night, hours after Llane’s funeral had concluded, yet he couldn’t think about anything else. Grief hung in his chest like lead, and dried tears still stained his cheeks. He hadn’t cried during the funeral; he had stayed strong for the people of Stormwind, for the nobles who had gathered, and, most of all, for Lothar. Lothar had lost so much--his two best friends were dead, one of them seemingly at the hands of the woman he loved. Khadgar refused to accept the fact that Garona had really killed Llane. There had to have been a mistake; perhaps someone had killed her and taken her dagger. Perhaps an orc had dodged her strike at the last second, sending the dagger into Llane’s neck inadvertently. There had to be an explanation; Garona wouldn’t kill Llane. Would she?

He was startled from his musings by a soft knock at the door. His brows knitted as he stood, wondering who in the Light’s name would be calling at this hour. He crossed the small apartment rather quickly and opened the door, shocked to see Lothar standing on his doorstep. 

“Lothar?” he asked, concern creeping into his voice as he looked into the man’s puffy, tear-filled eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m sorry, Khadgar,” Lothar replied, his voice hoarse. “I don’t want to burden you. I just… I can’t be alone right now.”

Khadgar nodded, stepping to the side. “Please, come in,” he invited, gesturing for Lothar to enter his small apartment. It wasn’t much, but Lothar had never seemed to mind the small room or notes cluttering what space there was. 

“Thank you,” Lothar murmured as he stepped inside, slumping into one of the chairs around the table. He ran a hand through his hair as he sighed, letting his shoulders fall. 

“Here, I’ll make you some tea,” Khadgar offered, bustling into his kitchen. Lothar waved a hand dismissively. 

“Don’t worry about it, kid.”

“It’s honestly no trouble,” Khadgar replied, sliding a mug of conjured tea across the table to Lothar as he took his seat. He glanced up, heart breaking all over again as fresh tears spilled from the man’s bright eyes. “Will you be alright?”

A choked laugh rose from Lothar’s throat. “Probably not,” he replied, voice cracking. Khadgar nodded, looking down into his drink. 

“I’m sorry,” Khadgar said softly. 

Lothar didn’t respond; instead, he let himself crumble, head sinking into his arms as he cried. Khadgar bit his lip, unsure of what to do. It tore his heart to pieces, seeing Lothar like this. He wanted to make everything better, make all the pain go away, make Lothar see that he was still here for him and how much he loved him. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t push his feelings onto Lothar, especially not now. Lothar had been through so much, and was still going through so much. The grief was so fresh: losing his friends, his son, and his lover all within such a short period of time. What he really needed was a friend, someone he could trust. And Khadgar was that friend. That was why Lothar had come, he realized. Khadgar took a deep breath, pushing his feelings down once again, as he always did. 

“Can you try to get some sleep?” Khadgar asked once Lothar’s sobs had calmed to the occasional hiccup. 

Lothar sat up, nodding as he wiped the tears from his cheeks. “Yeah. I’m really sorry, kid. I shouldn’t have come…”

“No, no,” Khadgar replied quickly, shaking his head, “I’m glad you did. I’d rather have you here where I can take care of you than out somewhere where I’d worry about you. Okay?” Lothar nodded again. Khadgar stood, squeezing Lothar’s shoulder reassuringly before crossing to the closet to retrieve some fur blankets. “You can sleep in the bed, okay?”

Lothar stood slowly, crossing to the bed and sitting down gently on the edge, as if afraid he’d break it. He removed his shoes and slipped off his tunic, revealing his scarred chest. It brought a fresh pang of sadness to Khadgar’s chest as he thought of all the trials Lothar had endured. Khadgar sighed, spreading the blankets on the floor beside the bed.

“What are you doing?” Lothar inquired quietly. 

Khadgar cast Lothar a glance over his shoulder. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t have to sleep on the floor. We can share; I don’t mind.”

Khadgar blinked. “What… Share the bed, you mean?”

Lothar nodded. “I don’t want to put you out, Khadgar.”

Khadgar nodded slowly, pondering his options. Finally, he resigned himself to doing what Lothar requested, figuring that Lothar probably wasn’t in the mood to argue. He settled in next to the man, pulling the blankets over both of them. He tried to make himself as small as possible, giving Lothar enough room to sleep comfortably in his small bed. 

********

Khadgar woke slowly, blinking sleep and tears from his eyes as sunlight poured through his shutters. He was warm; warmer than he usually was when he woke up nestled into his soft furs. He shifted his weight, rolling into the warmth. His eyes shot open when he felt warm breath on his face. 

Khadgar sighed, heart slowing from its panicked pace when he saw Lothar sleeping next to him. The man’s eyelashes fluttered slightly as he slept, his tear-stained face finally peaceful. Khadgar let himself smile, chest rising and falling against Lothar’s sleeping form. They were so close…

The mage felt the familiar twinge of guilt chew at the back of his mind. Lothar trusted him, enough to share a bed without a second thought. He shouldn’t be thinking this way--feeling this way--especially not now. Lothar needed a companion and confidant, not a scruffy young mage with stupid, unrequited feelings. And Khadgar knew that was what he’d have to be, no matter what. He cared about Lothar; he would be there for him despite what he felt. 

Lothar breathed deeply, eyes scrunching slightly as he rolled onto his back and stretched. 

“You awake?” Khadgar asked softly.

Lothar groaned, pressing a hand to his eyes. “Reluctantly, yes.”

Khadgar smiled as he rolled onto his back, placing his hands on his stomach. “How are you feeling?”

Lothar paused. He let his hand fall to the space between them, opening his eyes. “Better, I think. I’m glad I didn’t wake up alone,” he added. Khadgar nodded, biting his lip. “Thank you, Khadgar.”

Khadgar looked over at the commander. “For what?”

“Taking care of me,” Lothar replied simply. “I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Khadgar replied, placing his hand in Lothar’s. 

“No, I am,” Lothar insisted, giving Khadgar’s hand a firm squeeze. “I shouldn’t have put you out. I really should be stronger than this…”

“You’re human,” Khadgar said firmly. “You’re not made of stone. You’re allowed to have emotions; it doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.” Lothar nodded slowly. “Besides,” Khadgar continued, “You’re really not putting me out. Honestly. I really would rather have you here than worry about where you are. Plus, the company is good for me, too. It’s loneliness that makes us weak.”

Lothar nodded again, turning his head to smile at Khadgar. “Thank you,” he said again. 

They lay in silence for a long while, taking comfort in each other’s company. Finally, Khadgar sat up. 

“What do you want for breakfast?”

“I’m not very hungry,” Lothar replied. 

“You should eat,” Khadgar insisted. “Come on, I can make you anything you want.”

Lothar chuckled softly as he sat up. “No offense, kid, but I’m not really in the mood for anything conjured. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth.”

Khadgar punched Lothar’s shoulder playfully. “Fine,” he said. “I can make you something real, if you want.”

Lothar shook his head. “No, that’s alright. Like I said, I don’t want to put you out.”

“You’re _not_ ,” Khadgar said firmly. “Let me take care of you.”

Lothar nodded slowly. “I’m alright, really. I’ll get something when I get home.” He stood, slipping his feet into his shoes. “I really should be going, anyway. I promised Taria I’d visit her today.”

Khadgar nodded slowly, watching as Lothar pulled his tunic over his head. “Are you sure you’ll be alright to go home?”

“Of course,” Lothar replied with a nod. “Don’t worry about me, kid.”

Khadgar bit his lip. “I’ll be here if you need me, alright?”

Lothar smiled slightly as he pulled the door open. “Thanks, Khadgar. I’ll be alright.”

Khadgar nodded to himself as Lothar pulled the door closed behind him. He would be alright, Khadgar assured himself. He had gotten through worse, after all. 

********

Khadgar woke up the next morning to a pounding on his door. 

He blinked the sleep from his eyes, confusion rushing into his head along with the realization that he was colder without Lothar sleeping next to him. He stood, swaying only slightly as the haze began to clear slowly from his head. It was early; the sun was barely peaking through the shutters. Concern crept into his clouded mind, and worry clenched his stomach into a knot. 

He pulled the door open slowly, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the pale morning light. “Karos? What are you doing here?”

Karos took a deep breath, eyes downcast. “It’s Lothar,” he said. “He’s in the hospital.”

Panic shot through Khadgar’s heart like a dagger. “What?”

Karos glanced up at him. “They found him passed out in two inches of rainwater on the road to Goldshire. Drunk,” he added reluctantly. Khadgar stared, mouth agape as his sleep-addled brain processed the information. “He’s been in and out of consciousness for a few hours, but he keeps asking for you when he wakes up.”

“A few _hours_?” Khadgar growled, rage suddenly flaring inside him. Karos nodded, eyes falling back to his feet. Khadgar pushed past him, bursting into the calm street. The city hadn’t begun to wake up yet as he rushed towards the cathedral, legs carrying him as fast as they could go.

“Where is he?” Khadgar shouted as he burst into the cathedral. “Where’s Lothar?”

Varis came to greet him, hands raised reassuringly. “He’s fine, he’s alright. He’s over here,” he added with a gesture. Khadgar let Varis lead him into a small room where Lothar sat on a cot, blanket wrapped around him and tea in his hands. A priest stood nearby, nodding a greeting to Khadgar. Khadgar, however, barely saw anything except Lothar. 

Khadgar took Lothar’s face in his hands, examining his bright blue eyes. “Are you alright? What happened?” he demanded, voice low. 

Lothar wouldn’t meet his gaze, his eyes red from crying. “I’m sorry, Khadgar,” he whispered, leaning into Khadgar’s touch. “I’m so sorry.”

“No, no,” Khadgar murmured, running a hand through Lothar’s hair. “It’s alright, don’t apologize. There’s nothing to apologize for.”

Lothar nodded slightly as Khadgar turned his attention to the priest. “Is he alright?”

The priest nodded. “He’ll be fine.” He cast a glance down at Lothar before turning his attention back to Khadgar. “Perhaps we can converse in the hall?”

Khadgar nodded, following the priest into the hallway. He was an older man, clearly experienced, Khadgar thought thankfully. His hair was grey, white at the temples, and Khadgar was glad that someone with wrinkles around the eyes had been the one to take care of Lothar. 

“I had to fill him with the Holy Light,” the priest told him softly. “Last night, about an hour after hey brought him here. Technically, he was dead for a very brief moment.” Khadgar nodded as he pushed aside the horror rising in his chest. “He’ll be alright now; he’s alright to go home. But I wouldn’t let him alone right away. Does he have a place to go where he’ll be with someone?”

“Yes,” Khadgar affirmed. “He’ll be coming home with me.”

The priest nodded. “Good,” he said. “I don’t know if they told you, but he’s been asking for you.” Khadgar nodded in response. The priest gave Khadgar’s shoulder a gentle squeeze before turning and walking off into the main part of the cathedral. Khadgar turned, returning to the room where Lothar sat with Varis. Karos had come in sometime, unnoticed by Khadgar, and he sat on Lothar’s other side.

“Thank you, both of you, for taking care of him,” Khadgar said with a nod. “Lothar, are you alright to come home?”

Lothar nodded, standing up as he let the blanket fall from his shoulders. “Yeah… I’m sorry, Khadgar. Really, I am.”

Khadgar shook his head. “Don’t be. Come on, let’s go home.”

********

Lothar lay in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Khadgar rung a damp cloth over the sink, shaking it off before folding it neatly. He crossed to Lothar, pressing the cloth against the commander’s forehead. Lothar blinked slowly.

“I’m never drinking again…” he mumbled. Khadgar chuckled. 

“Good. I don’t need to be woken up again at the crack of dawn to come and get you.” Khadgar replied playfully.

“Sorry…” Lothar mumbled, gazing up into Khadgar’s eyes. Khadgar sighed. 

“I was kidding. I’d go to hell and back for you, Lothar. You know that.”

Lothar nodded slightly under Khadgar’s hand. “Thanks, kid.”

“Stop thanking me.”

“Sorry…”

“Stop _apologizing_ ,” Khadgar laughed, swatting at Lothar’s arm. “It’s so unlike you; it’s freaking me out a bit.”

Lothar chuckled, eyes glittering. “Sorry,” he replied with a casual shrug, his tone completely unapologetic. Khadgar rolled his eyes. 

Lothar’s eyes fell slightly, sadness creeping back into them. “I am sorry, though. I’m being so damn selfish. This is a horrible thing to do to you. I keep putting you out, don’t I?”

Khadgar shook his head. “It’s okay. You’re allowed to be selfish sometimes, especially at times like this. This is what friends are for. This is why you have people who love and care about you. We can’t survive on our own, Lothar.” 

“You did.”

The words hit Khadgar like a ton of bricks. He stared down at Lothar, lips parted slightly, completely caught off guard. 

“Shit, Khadgar, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it, really. That was a horrible thing to say.” Lothar said, the words rushing out as Khadgar smiled. 

“It’s okay, really. I understand,” Khadgar said, squeezing Lothar’s shoulder. “Try to sleep; I’m going to make some tea,” he told Lothar, turning away before the man could see the tears in his eyes. 

********

Khadgar grabbed his bag from the corner, pulling the strap over his shoulder. Lothar had fallen asleep about an hour ago, and Khadgar decided that he would go out and get some food to prepare for the man when he woke. He grabbed his cloak, wrapping it around himself. As he made to leave, however, he felt Lothar’s hand grip his wrist firmly from where the man lay on the bed. 

“I’m not supposed to be alone,” Lothar murmured, eyes closed.

Khadgar nodded to himself. “No, you’re right.” He paused. “Did you want to come with me?”

Lothar tugged at Khadgar’s wrist firmly, pulling him to sit down on the edge of the bed. “Do you have to go?” he asked.

“Well, no,” Khadgar admitted, “I guess not.”

“So don’t,” Lothar replied. “Take a nap with me.”

Khadgar could feel the heat rising to his cheeks, cursing himself as he reminded himself that Lothar was interested in women, that all of this was completely platonic. He laid down next to the commander, letting Lothar wrap his strong arms around him. He smiled as he felt Lothar’s breath against his neck.

“Don’t you ever leave me, spell-chucker,” Lothar breathed. “Don’t you ever leave.”

“I won’t,” Khadgar promised. 

********

_His vision swayed in front of him, the lights of the inn swirling like stars in the galaxies above. His head was covered in a thick, white haze as he felt his legs stumble, felt his body hit the ground. A voice echoed through his ears, distant, though he knew it was right next to him._

_“Lothar! Lothar, say something!”_

_He coughed, his chest heavy from the drink. “Tell Khadgar I’m sorry,” he choked._

_“Shit, Lothar,” he heard Karos breathe, “I’m going to get help. Okay? I’ll be right back…”_

_Lothar felt himself relax, his muscles letting go of all the tension, all the resistance they held as blackness overtook him._

********

Khadgar stood on the steps of the cathedral with nothing to say. 

He stared out at the faces gathered; thousands of people standing in front of the church in attendance of Lothar’s funeral, expecting him to speak. And yet, as he stood in front of the commander’s coffin, no words would come. 

It wasn’t that he had nothing to say: he had plenty to say. He could say how much Lothar meant to him, he could say how much he loved him. He could say how angry he was, how furious he was with Lothar for doing something like that, for leaving him. He could say how much grief he was going through knowing that, as long as he lived, he had never gotten to tell Lothar that he loved him. 

“Commander Lothar was an amazing leader, a brave warrior, and the best friend a person could ask for,” he started, choosing his words carefully. “He sacrificed so much, gave so much for the Alliance, and for its people. He was fiercely loyal; he’d go to hell and back for his friends. And his friends would do the same for him,” he added with a sad smile. “Light, I’d go to hell and back for him.” 

He turned from the crowd of faces staring up at him, placing the commander’s sword over his coffin. “Light bless you, Lothar,” he whispered. He stepped to the side as Taria walked over, placing a gentle hand on his arm. She gave him a reassuring nod before turning to the crowd, beginning the words the flowed from her noble heart.

Khadgar looked over the crowd, his eyes falling on a lady towards the back. A heavy veil covered her face, concealing it from view, but there was something familiar in the way she carried herself. As Taria finished speaking, he stepped forward, making his way through the crowd as it dispersed. The lady was walking away from him, making her way towards a back alley, but Khadgar was quicker. He wrapped a hand around her arm, teleporting them away before she had the chance to react. 

They appeared in a cave behind a waterfall, the flow of the river blurring the view of Elwynn Forest, which stretched out beneath them. The lady turned to face Khadgar, pulling her veil back to reveal her green face. 

“Garona, what are you doing here?” Khadgar asked warily. 

“I had to come see him,” she replied, tears in her green eyes. “I heard he died… I had to come.”

Khadgar nodded slowly, his tongue darting out to lick his lips. “You still love him, then?”

She laughed incredulously, tears welling in her eyes. “Of course,” she replied.

“Tell me everything.” 

Khadgar listened as Garona told him the whole story: how she found Lothar after Callan died, how she rode with Llane into battle, how they were outnumbered and about to be overrun when Llane asked her to kill him. Tears spilled from her eyes as she told him how Lothar had seen her there, how he had seen her dagger in Llane’s neck. 

“I never got the chance to explain,” she whispered when she finished. “He died thinking I betrayed him.”

Khadgar worried at his lower lip, letting everything sink in. 

“But, that’s enough about me. This must be hard for you, too,” Garona said. Khadgar sighed, running a hand through his dark locks. 

“Yeah,” he breathed, “It’s been really hard. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it, really. It doesn’t feel like it now, anyway.”

Garona nodded. “You loved him, didn’t you?” 

Khadgar’s eyes widened as he stared at her. “You knew?”

She smiled, wiping a tear from her cheek. “Not until your speech just now,” she admitted. “It was really bad, actually. It just didn’t come from your heart. You were much closer to him than that, so you must have been hiding your true feelings, right?”

“For an orc, you’re very human,” Khadgar told her with a smile. She let herself smile, shoving Khadgar’s shoulder gently. He sighed. “No, I couldn’t say how I really felt. Not to him, and not to anyone else.”

“You can tell me.”

Khadgar smiled again. “No, that wouldn’t be fair. You two were in love; it’s not fair for me to dump this on you. I’m sorry.”

Garona shook her head. “Don’t be. Your feelings are important too, Khadgar.”

He nodded slowly, looking down at his feet. “Thank you, Garona.”

********

Dusk began to settle over the city, the sky painted with pink and purple clouds as Khadgar made his way through Stormwind Keep, away from the noise and bustle of the city. He clutched a bouquet of white flowers as the wind caressed his face, rustling his grey hair as he stepped into the graveyard. He walked slowly, the soft earth greeting his feet as he stepped silently through the graves. He stopped in the center of the graveyard where a large statue was erected, the familiar likeness of Anduin Lothar immortalized in the polished stone. 

Khadgar knelt in front of the grave, picking up the dried-up flowers from his last visit and replacing them with the fresh bouquet in his hand. He rocked back to sit on his feet, placing his hands on his knees as he smiled to himself. 

“I still miss you, you know,” he said. “Even after all these years. I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing you.”

He sighed, settling into a sitting position and hugging his knees to his chest. 

“I’m not mad at you anymore. I don’t think I was ever really mad, to be honest. You said you wouldn’t drink again…” He chuckled. “I didn’t think you were serious then, of course. Still, I don’t think I could have ever been prepared for this to happen. I guess I understand why you drank that night… Still, I wish I hadn’t let you go off with Karos like that. He told me you were sorry; he said that was the last thing you said. I was mad, I think, at first. I forgive you, of course. 

“Garona says hello, by the way. I hope you’re not still mad at her. She did it for us, for the Alliance. For you, mostly, I think. She still regrets not being able to explain to you, or apologize. I keep telling her you’d forgive her, but she doesn’t believe me, I don’t think. 

“I think this is my only regret in life, actually,” Khadgar added with a smile. “I never got to tell you how much I love you. It probably would have ruined our friendship if I had, of course, but… Still, it hurts knowing you never knew how much I cared about you. Maybe that’s why I can’t move on.” 

Khadgar chuckled. “You should see me now, really. I got old. I’m the old, grey mage you expected to find in your office that day we first met. I wish we could have grown old together, Lothar. But, in a way, I guess we did.”

He stood, placing a hand on the grave. “I love you.

“I’ll be back next week,” Khadgar said as he turned to leave, gathering the dried flowers in his hand before walking back towards the city.

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this fic was inspired by _The Rolling Stones_ song "Dead Flowers", which has been stuck in my head ever since I started writing this fic.
> 
> Thanks again for reading! If you want to contact me, my tumblr is ocarinaenthusiast.tumblr.com. Cheers!


End file.
